Saturday, December 7, 2013


I have very few vices at this point. I gave up smoking American spirits the day I found out I was preggo with mini human #1.  I have reduced my consumption of vodka tonics, I even take a vitamin, but the one vice which I feel is still allowable is my extreme passion for reading Star Magazine.

I love it.  It's simple, it's light. It's ridiculous and my mother-in law buys all the females in our family a subscription to it each year, judgement free.

At any rate, the cover story this week is:  STAR Report Card:  Best and Worst Moms. The list of moms includes the ranks of: Jennifer Garner, Beyonce, Angelina Jolie, Selma Blair, Gwyneth Paltrow, etc.  Each celebrity mom was assessed upon the following:  Attendance, Public Behavior (theirs), Discipline and Fun Factor.

 I totally agree that "Attendance" is important.  Showing up is half the battle.  Public Behavior, aka acting like the adult, is necessary as well.  Kids mimic and learn.  That is how kids learn to read and that is how kids learn to be a-holes. Discipline is difficult as an educator but even more so with your own spawn, because you really like them.  I would be ok with being graded on the first three categories but, Fun Factor? really?!  If I were being assessed on that, then sometimes I would earn an F- because we have something else to accomplish besides being f-ing a-mom-mazing.

Here is what totally hit me about these report cards.  They are SO judgmental.  Isn't that the sticky web women/mothers are trying to climb out of?!  We judge ourselves, we judge celebrities AND we judge ourselves against celebrities! (ummm they have hired help.)  So not only do women walk around all day judging themselves (and are pissed off at society for doing so) but then we come home and reaffirm snap judgements about whether or not someone is a good mom because they make homemade baby food! (Jessica Simpson).

Break. The. Cycle. Baby steps... let's aim for pass/fail?    Did you hug your mini-human/partner/fury friend today?  Did you use your manners with 50% accuracy? Most importantly, were you kind to yourself?

Unless, you are giving your toddler american spirits and a vodka tonic, or putting your child on the back of a scooter and then cutting off a school bus (Gwyneth Paltrow), then give yourself a pass, judgement free.

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