Sunday, January 19, 2014

Please DO NOT update your address book.

The Hubs and I purchased our house October 31 of 2009.  So this year marks the 4th anniversary of receiving Christmas cards from people who think David still lives at our address. We look forward to them each year and I refuse to correspond to tell these lovely people otherwise.

A classy picture card.  Very enjoyable! No idea who these people are.

Believe it or not...this is the "classiest" card we have ever got from them.  
You CAN'T make this stuff up!
Incase you can't see the card well it says:   Happy New Year to our BUDS, while holding cans of Bud Light.
Faces have been covered by opaque purple ovals to protect the absolutely ridiculous.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Pinch the Fat

I have a dear friend who I am in constant contact with.  This is not an exaggeration (That's why it is italicized, bold faced AND underlined.)  We call each other almost every day on the way to work (at 6 am).  We email. Text. Send snail mail.... and of course visit in person.  We never seem to tire of knowing the meaningless details of each others lives.  During our ten years of friendship we have also pinched the fat.

Yes, you read that correctly.   She has on several occasions pinched me with weird caliper things to determine my percentage of body fat.  At 21, I thought pinching the fat was funny.  At 31, the thought of pinching the fat is horrifying.

Um...this is pinching fat? 

Never the less, Starting this past Sunday I began my never-ending-quest to be healthier.  My dear friend is the administrator of a cross fit/paleo eating challenge.  I will bravely enter my measurements into a google form once a week and submit whether or not I ate "clean" or "cheated."  I will also submit my time for a 1 mile run and 500 yd swim since I am not a cross fit girl.  

I want this change in my health for me and I want to be a good role model of health for my children.  Hopefully these changes will become habit and they will never remember the woman who ate her feelings and downed boxes of junior mints followed by a large ice coffee chaser.

Hopefully I will be able to visit dear friend in person sometime soon.

Unfortunately/Fortunately dear friend reads my blog.  I am almost certain she will bring the calipers to pinch the fat.....

**Wish me luck!**

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A Simple Life

I resolve in 2014 to live a simple life and consume less.  Since managing physical things has always been a challenge for me, I have decided to try to have less STUFFLess STUFF = less crap to manage.

This is a tall order (especially in a house with: two adults suffering from varying degrees of ADD, a mini who is 2 years old, a baby who is a poop machine and a crazy karma dog.)

Just writing that was intense.  Deep cleansing breaths.  

In order to achieve this, I first need to evaluate and restructure my physical environment. 

The evaluation process will include these steps:
-Put Away
-Throw Away

Simultaneously when my family and I need STUFF, I will use this not-shopping list.

All sassing aside, I would love any other suggestions.  Please comment electronically.  Cleaning out virtual STUFF will have to wait until 2015. 

Monday, January 6, 2014

I Can't/Can't I?

"I can't." said mini-human #1 in a matter of fact tone.  Then he threw his hands up in the air, looked at me and waited for a response.

What?!  Where had he learned this word?! 

Then, naturally, I panicked.  Oh dear lord did he hear it from me? Crap. If only I could be as forgiving with myself as I am with my students or minis.....  I continued to spiral:  If he says "I can't," at daycare, do they just do it for him?!  The thought of which made me feel equally enraged.  I quickly formulated a response - because he was staring at me...and let's be honest, for quick thinking it was a-mom-mazing.

1) Did you try? If you did and were not met with success, proceed to step 2.

2.) Did you ask for help?  If Step 2 includes a please mama, proceed to step 3.

3.)  Okay, I will show you how.

Let's be honest, Mini #1 tried to put Thomas the Train through the tunnel and into the station one more time and he did it.  To which he exclaimed, "I CAN do it!"  Excellent work mini.  Now skip steps 2 and 3 and chuff along.  After all:

 I can't.

read in reverse is...

Can't I?

An old video, re-posted. 
Love love love how it illustrates a shift from negativity to positivity.

Saturday, January 4, 2014


New Year, new approach.  So today I started with my clothes.  I began to sort:

Work Clothes that Fit
Casual Clothes that Fit
Maternity Clothes- Summer/Winter, 
Clothes that should fit but do not... and 
clothes that have an ELASTIC WAISTBAND.  

I am not looking for pity by writing about the fact that I have a new found section of my closet with pants that have an ELASTIC WAISTBAND.  Quite the opposite.  If we are having a conversation and I am whiny about how my body looks after two kids I want you to say the following things to me: 

Breaking Bad.  (Not just a season, the ENTIRE SERIES)
Junior mints. 
Midnight snacking. 
Orange is the New Black.  (The one and only ENTIRE SEASON.)
Flavored coffee, cream AND sugar. 

"What's my excuse?," I clearly don't have one.  However shame on me, if I don't do crunches during the much anticipated second season of Orange is the New Black

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Calm Before the Storm.

Truth Statement:  I like working.  I like my job.   I think teaching is hilarious and kids make me laugh everyday.  I am NOT destined to be a full time domestic engineer.  Also, it was a huuuuuge relief getting paid yesterday for the first time in months.

In that direct deposit moment, we went from One Income, Two Kids - OITK, to Two Incomes, Two Kids.- TITK  Phew. I love coupons but I do not love using the magic money card - neither does the hubs.

(To think that some people are DINKs or OINKs...One time, I went to visit my friend in Miami for the New Year, about a million years ago, and I realized that he was in a relationship with two other men.  Triple income, NO KIDS! TINK! Ahhh, I digress.

I was scheduled to go back to work today. So yesterday looked something like this:

image provided by NASA.  Crazy provided by massive life transitions.

The morning of New Years day felt like the calm before the storm.  We started at a friends house with a pancake party to ring in the new year!  Fun.  After the party, I started to prepare the minis for daycare and myself for work.  #1 mini has not been to daycare for about a week since his uncle was visiting.  He started screaming when I mentioned that tomorrow would be a "school day."  #2 is only 4 months old and she is starting daycare for the first time.  She just stared at #1 mini like he was a lunatic.

I hyperventilated throughout the afternoon; sterilizing bottles, labeling items and counting things repeatedly.  Admittedly, my emotions were all over the place.  I was joyful, frantic, tearful and exhausted.  To add to the anxiety of the unknown, there was a storm brewing.  A literal two day snow storm.

I have been teaching almost 10 years.  The trick with snow days is this: if you plan a lesson and set your clothes out, then there WILL be a SNOW DAY.  It almost always works.

As the evening slinked on, I obsessively checked the temperature and the humidity and the local weather station for cancellations.  I took cleansing breaths as I comforted #1 mini while he screamed MAMAMAMAAA! for 45 minutes and watched the video monitor waiting for #2 to wake up.  I was twitching and in bed by 8:30.  I mentally prepared a lesson.  I visualized a happy day.  At 9 pm, I got a call from a co-worker.  It had been declared a SNOW DAY: THURSDAY AND FRIDAY! Huzzah!

I turned off my hideous 5 am alarm.  Huuuuge relief.   I continued to do the momma thing: waking up, rubbing backs, sucking snot, changing diapers and I knew what to expect in the morning.  Then another amazing thing happened.  Daycare was miraculously OPEN.

So now, I sit at Starbucks as the snow accumulates, skinny peppermint mocha in one hand, curriculum in the other and I will lesson plan until March.

Happy Coffee, Happy New Year!