Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Time Sucks and Life Hacking

There are 168 hours in a week.

Since I do not have super powers annnnd I work full time, I struggle between the forces of good and evil: The vortex of time-sucks influenced by my middle-school-level-maturity versus the responsibilities of a young-mother-in-her-30s. 

In a typical week, 
I sleep 49 hours
I teach middle school  40 hours
I commute to/from said job 7.5 hours
21 hours are spent preparing and eating food.
7 hours a week putting crazy children to bed.
3.5 hours a week are dedicated to wiping asses.
2 hours a week reading books with minis.
about 2 hours a week with God in his house...

That is a total of 132 hours......so where the heck did the other 36 hours go?!

Ugh, they must have been drawn down into the time-suck vortex!

Middle schoolers are ninjas at doing anything besides what they are specifically asked to and I kinda feel the same way about middle school teachers.  So whenever I get kind of antsy, I walk around during cafeteria duty and I research my next time-suck. Snap chat? Got it! I snap pictures of me drinking coffee to my bestie all the time, yep we are both 30 somethings.  Candy Crush? Got it! Finally gave in and I am on level 50 something - although I am losing interest because every time I get a run now, a new chocolate thingy grows and it gives me anxiety.  Twitter? Yeeeeep, finally caved to that and I really like it and last but not least...a game that looks kind of math based and is kinda math based ..2048! - which seemed like that stupidest game ever ...and it is...and I still play it.

I have come to the conclusion that not only do I need to throw my phone out of the window for all the endless time-suckin' opportunities it provides me with, but I need to be LIFE HACKED!  I heard about it on NPR and it sounded so cool that I googled it right there in the McD's drive thru!

Wikipedia told me that - Life Hacking "refers to any trick, shortcut, skill, or novelty method that increases productivity and efficiency, in all walks of life. In other words, anything that solves an everyday problem in an inspired, ingenious manner."

I imagine the most awesome life hackers to be a team made up of sassy/assy all-stars like Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey and Kathy Griffin.  Oprah to tell you to get rid of all of your physical and emotional shit, Martha to help you create simple organizational items out shit that Oprah made you throw out and then Kathy to simply verbally berate you and then rip off her shirt! 

Let's make trash - beautiful! 
Let's chat about the bigger reason why you need to be life hacked... 
Let's play candy crush and drink!  B*tches!
I would love it if someone would come into my house and find a zen place for my shoes so I don't spend 10 minutes every morning searching for them.   I would be open to suggestions for where to put the all the kid crack the clutters my house.

I am pretty sure that they would start by chucking my phone out of the window, and then life hack the crap out of me. and find a way for those 36 rogue hours to be the freakin' best, most productive hours, EV-ER.  

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